If You "Have It All," What Else Is There?

Someone said to me recently - after I pondered aloud about a move back to Boston, "You sure do move around a lot."

"I don't, actually," I said.  "I just never stop wanting to push forward. And if I come to a wall - like I am at right now with my day-to-day, I will start to wonder what is beyond the 'wall.'"

What this person was interpreting as fickleness on my part, after only having been back in NYC a year now, was me merely wondering "what else" is out there.

And that's the thing I always ask myself... "What else?" Not because I am bored with what I am currently doing...  But because I want to add to it.

So I realize that I will never "have it all"... Because I don't believe that exists for anyone. And if it does, I find that incredibly sad.

So what prompted to get up just after dawn today to write about this?

Well, as I found myself woken up after a dream about a butterfly that turns into a kitten, I saw that my iPhone read it was 4:44am. So I leaned over and picked up my Canadian iPhone and started scrolling through stories on the Huffington Post app. And I came across this one by Anya Kamenetz about how, "Yes, We Can Have It All -- Here's What It Takes."

Kamenetz wrote the piece in response to Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in The Atlantic, "Why Women Still Can't Have It All."

In the Slaughter's article, she laments over her attempt to "have it all" being in a powerful DC position... Only to have to give it up after two years to move back to Princeton to be with her two sons and husband.  From the sounds of it,  her children did actually need a second pair of parenting hands in addition to what her husband was providing day-to-day.

But for Slaughter, her argument wasn't so much that women "can't have it all," it was more along the lines of, "it's hard for women - hell, anyone - to 'have it all'. You have to be willing to sacrifice something. And it is especially hard for women in powerful positions to 'have it all', because for most of us that means sacrificing family time."

At least that's what I took away from it. One could very easily argue that Slaughter "has it all" with her senior position at Princeton University and her family. And when you look at everything she has done in her career, shit, one could very easily argue "bitch has had it all."

But Slaughter wants more.  And I applaud her for that and find it inspiring.

Which is why I very much disagree with Kamenetz's post accusing Ms. Slaughter of being "defeatist"completely misguided.

Kamenetz goes on in her piece about how she "has it all" and "works hard to keep it." But she doesn't seem to stop and realize she's a freelancer... It is easy for her to feel like she "has it all." And this is where she is also misguided... In not realizing that Ms. Slaughter was focusing on women being in top and powerful positions, and how it is hard to "have it all."

I agree that the tone Slaughter took with her piece was, okay, a little "defeatist." But if you actually read through the piece, you realize what she is talking about - that one of the reasons there aren't many women in powerful positions (CEOs of companies, Washington power players) is because it means having a schedule that makes it less conducive to having a family.

I wish it had come across in Slaughter's piece that the real theme is, "No one - especially women - should ever stop asking 'what else?'"

If I meet you and you tell me you "have it all" according to your point of view, I am going to tell you "you might as well go ahead and die."

What's the point of life, then?

He Probably Just Wants To Wear Them Himself.

Did you read this story about the ex-husband who has now decided that he wants a piece of his wife's "shoe investment" AFTER their divorce has been finalized?

I'm calling BS.

Don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in a full representation of all assets accrued in the marriage, and an equal division of those assets.  However...

"You snooze, you lose, buddy." If you didn't voice during mediation that these should be included, you miss out.

Sounds like the wife was always vocal about her "shoe investment." So it would be very difficult to show that he didn't know it existed. Which means, in my opinion, he can't lay claim to them NOW.

Not that we have any plans for divorce, my husband has already verbally agreed to never go after me for my "shoe investment."  But to be fair... I do not have an extensive collection of shoes. (Believe it, people!)

Oh I don't hesitate to allow my craving for a pricey pair to take over and push me to purchase. But I wear every single pair. And I wear them out.

See...

This pair right here... I have had them re-cobbled TWICE in seven years.

So The Husband really wouldn't want to try to go after them. The resell value isn't there.

Short List Of Reasons To Live: June 24, 2012.

What a week!!! This past week and this coming week will be very busy. But really just ave to get through tomorrow, and then it should be a "relaxing" kind of busy.

Here is this week's Short List of Reasons to Live:

• Bye-bye Greys! Hair color appointment Tuesday night... I am trying to be better about regularly scheduling grooming habits.  For example, have now committed to getting a pedicure every two weeks in the Summer.  (I have a tendency to let things fade, chip, scratch, go awry before I will take care of it. I know... I need better habits outside of work!)
• Red & Her Hubby. My sister and her husband are visiting this week!!! They've never been to NYC.  So I am very excited! 
• The Husband. In addition to my sister coming out... The Husband is coming over too.  So it'll be a full house this weekend!
• Breathing Better. I finally got around to making some decisions this past week. So I am feeling much better. Funny enough, when I got around to making them, my vertigo went away. I didn't write about it on here... But I was suffering from some pretty wild vertigo last weekend and in the earlier part of this week.  It was deduced to be related to stress. Which is funny, as I am pretty good with stress.  But it is difficult when... well... I'll just leave it at that. 

Lots to do this week. Going to need all the energy I can muster.  Till next week!

Scheduling - I've Gone "Retro."

I have been using "electronic" organizers for about four years. In 2008, I got an iTouch from the Apple Store, and immediately switched to using it as my daily planner. Then three years ago, I finally got the iPhone.  And my world was revolutionized with 3G.  I swore I would never go back to being a commoner with phones and organizers.

Well, now I have changed my mind.

Yes. I have reverted back to a simple planner in which I write all my non-work appointments.

Why?

Well, I really don't want every part of my schedule accessible to those I work with.  I have already shared my calendar in Outlook with them. So I really don't want to take it back. But I also don't want to write all the personal things that I need to remind myself to do in it, or the things I need to track for personal health. 

Like what?

Um... Okay. Like:

• Juice Fast - Remember to pick up beets!
• 6am Barry's Bootcamp
• 7:30am Blowout at Drybar
• 2pm Gyno Appointment
• Ovulation Day (Left-side Pain)
• Menstrual Cycle start
• 5:30pm Eyebrow waxing at Brow Bar

Really... Do people I work with want to know all of that?

Plus, I like writing things down, and then checking them off. You don't get to do that with your schedule on an iPhone.

I also find that keeping everything electronically makes it too easy for me skip out or "delete" something. When I write things down, I tend to actually follow the order.

"To Rome With Love" - A Woody Allen "Miss."

I hadn't even heard of this film until a day before it came out this week. And the only reason I did hear about it was because I follow Alec Baldwin on Twitter.

A new Woody Allen film? Taking on another European city???  Vicky Christina Barcelona, Midnight in Paris... Now Rome?

"Count me in!" I said to myself. The trailer looked fantastic...

Oh... But how soon I would realize that the trailer did not provide an accurate sense of what the film was about or would "feel" like.

It was dull.  The scenery was gorgeous. It was beautifully shot. The acting was decent.  But the plot? Nothing tied together.

You "drop in" on the various happenings in a few different people's lives in Rome... But very few of them are anything worth peeping in on.

The best one, by far, was the storyline with Woody Allen's character.  The rest were "meh." Even the one with Alec Baldwin!

To Rome with Love...  I'll take Rome. I'll take love, if I have to. But not from Woody.

3LAB Perfect BB Moisturizer: Good-Bye Foundation!

I haven't worn foundation on my face since probably March. As soon as temperatures start to slightly warm above 50 degrees (which happened this March), I switch to tinted moisturizer with SPF.

I had been wearing one that was a 20 SPF. But I didn't really care for it.  It was too thin, and not hydrating. And it was only SPF 20. That's too low.

(Says the person who wears 100 SPF on the beach! Too low, indeed!)

So last weekend, when I was in Boston, my pal Frogger took me shopping.  She wanted someone to make her feel less guilty for heading into Barney's and coveting the shoe section.

(Momentary Segue: The shoe section at Barney's in Boston, while beautiful, rarely has a lot of people in it. So you immediately get bombarded by the sales assistants... And then feel guilty when you tell them, "Just looking." Or, at least, I do. I mean, it's not like the shoe section at Saks Fifth Avenue here in NYC. That place is ALWAYS packed.)

We quickly danced through the shoes... And ended up in the cosmetics section.

"Ohmigosh! You have to check out this new tinted moisturizer I discovered," Frogger said.

It was the 3LAB Perfect BB Moisturizer...

It is a SPF 40 tinted moisturizer. It's thick... And provides great coverage of flaws...

The only bummer is that it comes in just THREE shades.  And I wear the second shade.  And, if you know me, you know how freaking pale I am... So if I have to wear the second shade, you know it won't work for a good portion people. I believe they are going to develop it in darker shades.  I hope so, anyway. 

It's fantastic stuff. You only need a very small dot on your chin, forehead and each cheek. Like, "super small" dot.

It's pricey, but worth the investment.

Blood Juice - It's What's For Dinner.

Giving the whole "juicing" thing a try this evening.  In an effort to reset my energy, I may actually attempt to juice over the next few days.  And tonight, I decided to put away my fear of vegetable juices and have this for dinner...

It's blood.

Kidding. It's carrot, celery and beets. But all I can taste is the carrot.

YUM!

Sparkling "Water."

I can't decide if having one of these in your office is a sign of "extravagance gone wrong, which will lead to clients running away" or "totally awesome, look at us, we're da bomb!"

A champagne water cooler.

I would totally bust this out for a New Year's Eve Party or a wedding. Wonder if they exist and if you can actually order them?

Short List Of Reasons To Live: Father's Day 2012.

Happy Papa's Day to you! Even if you're not a father... And happen to be female.

I just arrived back into NYC from a few days in Boston.  Had a wonderful time. As soon as I got to the city, I was able to relax for once in a very long time.

Perhaps Boston is my next great lover, after The Husband? Maybe I'll start to cheat on NYC with Boston a little more?

Anyhow...

It's a new week starting tomorrow (as I prefer my weeks run Monday through Sunday), and that means it is time to put together a new list of things to look forward to.  So here is this week's Short List of Reasons to Live:

• Summer Solstice & Raj. I have booked a personal day on Wednesday to go and participate in the Bikram class Rajashree Choudhury is teaching in Times Square. Thousands of people will be participating. And with temps set to hit the low 90s, it's gonna feel like we're in a studio.
• Red Visits. The weekend after next my sister and her husband (and the baby in her womb) will be visiting me in NYC. So next weekend I will be cleaning this place like crazy. And trying to come up with a few things I think they need to do while here.
• Decision. I have had a few decisions I needed to make over the past few weeks. I have made one of them, and will have to act on it this week. Very excited. And feel like a weight has been lifted.
• Juicing. At some point this week, I am going to try juicing for a day. Just for one day. I know so many people who have juiced for 3 and 5 days at a time... The metal clarity they talk about once they get past day 3 sounds awesome. And I think summertime is the perfect time to juice anyway.

Till next week!

Back On Common Ground.

The past two days, I have been up pre-dawn (well, close enough... It was ass-early both days) to catch planes.

Yesterday I flew to Chicago. Today I flew back to NYC.  In both cases, I was on a tight time frame when I landed. Yesterday I had a meeting to get to that started at 9am.  And it takes nearly an hour to get from O'Hare Airport to downtown Chicago.  Today, I had to get from Laguardia to my apartment in Chelsea... Where I had to change out my clothes in the suitcase and dash off to Penn Station to catch a train to Boston.

I almost didn't make the train today.  But I ran fast in my Choos. And was able to board the train at 1:02pm.  The train departed at 1:03pm.

So now I am in Boston. Exhausted. I have had such a busy week, I couldn't even remember what day of the week today was. So as soon as I got off the train in Back Bay, I walked to the hotel where I am meeting my husband for our weekend getaway. And along the way, I ran into one of my favorite things in Boston.

Exhale Spa.

Sure, they have them in NYC too... But I prefer the one near the Public Garden above all others.  So I walked in, trollying my suitcase behind me.

"I need a massage. Tonight. At least 90 minutes. Please."

They smiled and booked me in for an hour later.

Now, I am back in my hotel room awaiting The Husband to come back from his work dinner. I am going to sleep in tomorrow... And then go shopping with my bestie.

Can I move back to Boston?

Short List Of Reasons To Live: June 10, 2012.

The Summer Movie season has started. Summer Fridays are here at work. And I find myself craving juices lately.

These are all things to be excited about, in my opinion. But I am still working through some decisions that I mentioned a week ago. So the goal this week is to just focus on the below, and hopefully that will bring about a decision.

So here is my Short List if Reasons to Live for this week:

• Yoga. Yoga, yoga, yoga. And more yoga. I, unfortunately, can't o every day this week. But will try to get three days in the studio.
• Boston. Am heading up to Boston for a short trip this week, with The Husband. Hanging with Frogger and Bail. And hitting No. 9 Park for cocktails.

This is it for now. Trying not to overload myself with too may activities, as I want a nice clear mind to do some thinking.
 

Guacamole Should Never Me "Creamy."

It's a "Human Weekend" for me this weekend. The Husband, Human, is down visiting.  We were originally going to go out this weekend to Harry Chip's for a lovely dinner... But...

Then I realized I would have to get all "fancy dressed" to go there.  And it's Summer and hot here. So that wasn't going to happen.

Instead, we went to a Mexican restaurant I have been interested in trying for a while, Crema. It's right around the corner (a few blocks down) from where I live here in the Big Apple. And I was craving a margarita and guacamole.

It is a cozy space. Very warm and tucked away on 17th Street.  We were relegated to a pretty good table and given our lists for ordering. I went with a Pineapple-Jalapeno Margarita. The Husband went with a Mojito.

"Oh! And we'd love to share some guacamole," I said to the server.

Our drinks arrived quickly and were strong. The guacamole arrived even more quickly.  Like a minute after we ordered it. The server set it down in front of us.

"This likely isn't going to be good," I said to The Husband. He nodded.

The guacamole, for starters, was served in a small bowl. In addition to this, it had a "creamy" appearance. As if it were some kind of "dip."

The Husband and I eyed it. I was the brave one, and tried it first. But in reality, I am the professional when it comes to guacamole recipes. So he trusts my opinion and expects me to tell him that it's "safe" to go in.

I tasted the edge of the chip that I had dipped into the creamy green-ness. I was punched in the face by the flavor of lime.

I made a "pucker" face.

"Too much lime," I said. "And there are no tomatoes or 'chunkiness' in this."

"Yeah," said The Husband, having dipped his own chip into it. "Guacamole needs to be chunky."

I deduced, by what I had tasted and by how quickly it was served after ordering, that the guacamole was pre-made... And not "made to order" as it always should be.

Guacamole is the easiest thing in the world to make. (You can find the World's Easiest & Best Guacamole Recipe here.)  It should never be made before someone orders it or too long before you eat it.

The over-powering lime flavor of the guacamole was a clear indication that it had been made well-before we had ordered it, and lots of lime juice had been added to keep it "fresh" and prevent it from "browning" due to oxidation.

The rest of our meal was absolutely lovely. And the Crema is very much worth a return visit.  The bar area seems like a fun place for cocktails. 

But the guacamole? Pass on it. Don't waste your time.

Short List Of Reasons To Live: June 3, 2012.

Boo-yah mutha effas!

Apologies. Appear to have a lot of energy after an ethereal Bikram class this afternoon. (I did EVERY POSTURE! That hasn't happened in a very long time!) And that energy is pouring out of my fingertips and mouth.

In any event, it's that time of the week where I list out all the things I am looking forward to this week... In an effort to keep me sane... Grounded... And not wanting to crawl into bed and curl up into a ball.

So here is this week's Short List of Reasons to Live:

• Mad Men. Very pumped to see the follow up from last week's scandalous episode. And then next Sunday night is the finale.
• Bikram Every Night. No exceptions. I am going. Even if I have to walk out of a meeting to get to a 7pm class.
• My Nocturnal Activity. No perves. I am referring to my dreams. Seems like my mind is able to recall what I dream about at night. And I am going to take advantage of whatever my subconscious is trying to release every late night.
• The Husband Visits! It's a Human Weekend! Huzzah! And to celebrate our American Anniversary (which was last weekend), he is taking me to Cipriani.  I will definitely be sipping a Bellini or two.

Till next week!

Dreams: Elevators & Zombies.

I don't seem to dream much lately.  At least not that I can actually recall upon waking.  However, the past two nights I have dreamed. And when I woke, I was able to remember things about them.  I think this is due to me having a lot on my mind in recent weeks with regards to some decision-making I have to do.

First Dream: The Elevator Won't Let Me Off
I am on an elevator, trying to get to floor seven.  However, the elevator is broken. And It will not let me off on floor seven. My only option is to get off on floors eight or nine, and walk down to seven. This causes me much anxiety, as I have "shit to do" in my dream and don't have time for an elevator in a grand building (as the one I am in) to be broken.

I wake up before I actually get off and walk down.


Second Dream: Zombie-Like Beasts
I am in some work building. Outside are creatures that are similar to zombies in that if they bite you, you turn into one of them.  I am going through the building, and seeing where I can hide. But the building has glass walls. And inside some of the rooms I can see that there are already beasts in there.  I am never afraid - in most dreams where I am running or fighting, I am not afraid.  I am on a mission.  And keep running through the building, with a hand gun, ready to attack if necessary. All I want is to find my hiding spot.


Dream One:  Reflective of the anxiety I am having. More is being given, and am unsure of whether or not I want it. The number seven represents healing and completion.  The number nine represents longevity.

Dream Two: Obviously about anxiety as well. Zombies represent I am out of sync with things around me. A little out of touch. The fact that I am running from them and ready to attack if they get in my way reflects that I am doing all I can to feel overwhelmed. Attempting to hide from the zombies shows I am avoiding dealing with the feelings. Guns represent power.  In the dream, I have loaded the gun, but have not fired it. So I have power, but have not attempted to use it.

What's all this mean?

Basically, shit I already know. But my dreams are making it more blatant that I need to make a decision, and soon.

Prada's "A Therapy."

Following last weekend's theme of visiting the Met and viewing the Prada "Coversations" exhibit...  I came across this clip today...




Because she tends to play such dark characters, you often forget how lovely Helena Bonham Carter is.

Pet Peeve: Desks Up Against Walls.

Thing you may not realize about me: I am a bit OCD.

There are certain things that just absolutely bug the shit out of me. And one of the biggest is having your desk up against a wall.

Like this...

I know. Seems pretty "normal" to you, right? Well it bothers the crap out of me. It may be a "Feng Shui" thing, I guess. But I feel like you are blocking your energy when facing a wall.  This is why I hate cubicles. And, I actually hate offices too. There is too much segregation and blocking of the energy flow.

In my opinion, the businesses that function the best are those where the environment is open, the light and air is flowing, and everyone can move around easily to collaborate.

Which is why in my apartment I have my desk as such...

Right behind my couch... Facing the TV and looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows.

I find this set-up more open to ideas and able to keep connected with the world outside.

Sitting facing a wall is absolutely dreadful. And I won't allow it for me personally. If only, though, I could find a way to make it possible to have it the same way for my team at work. They sit in god-awful cubicles. 

I get so angry when I see them.  It's as though it's the 1990s. Ugh.

Thinking About... Wall Colors.

Managed to get myself out of the apartment today to run an errand.  I needed to pick up paint color cards from the local Benjamin Moore store.

I am looking to possibly begin redecorating the Toronto home this Fall.  There are a few rooms that need to be painted: our master bathroom, master suite hallway, my office, my bathroom, guest suite and guest suite bathroom.

We also intend to replace the repulsive carpeting in my office and guest suite with the same hardwood flooring that runs throughout the rest of the house.

Why the urge for redecoration? Well, we can relax a little bit now.  And we realize that the former occupants of the house were quite tacky. And three years on, we are dying to change the wall colors and get rid of that awful carpet.

I hate carpeting.

It's find for hotel rooms. But I much prefer hardwood floors with rugs.

Anyways... I found a few colors I liked at the Benjamin Moore. But I am not completely sold on anything particular just yet. This will be fun though.

I love redecorating.

Inner Dialogue: Failing At Summer Fridays.

This is the first Friday of the Summer season... At least as everyone in the corporate world is concerned.  And as of this week, I have five Fridays I can take off between now and Labor Day weekend.  And I am taking one today.

Normally, when I take a day off from work, I keep my smartphone close by so that I can keep up with emails.  Because I loathe coming back to work with an overstuffed inbox.  But today, I am not doing that.

Today is all mine. I do not give a shiz about what is happening in my inbox.

No... Today I am going to dilly-dally. I am going to relax. My "Out of Office" is on, and I am zoning out.

Nope. Not going to pick up the mobile, currently ringing as I write this post.

Oh! A voicemail!

Nope. Not going to check it.

I hear a ding on my iPhone, indicating there is a new email.

Not picking up the phone. Not going to check it.

Instead, I will pick up my iPad (given to me by work) and browse the NY Times Style Section while lounging in my sunny yellow chair.  Maybe I'll even tempt myself by visiting the Sales section on Net-a-Porter?

Oh... But I see a notification indicating I have a new meeting request in my inbox.

Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to just peek and see who is trying to schedule time with me?

No. Will restrain myself. Other people on the leadership team at work are able to act like mature adults and focus on truly taking their personal time.  I can do it too.

But... I just remembered that I completely forgot to send out an email letting someone know my availability for Tuesday and Wednesday next week.

I really should just pop on and send that out.

Would take two seconds to send. And I can avoid looking at the rest of the emails and notifications.

Just in and out.  Super quick.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

.............................

Fuck me. No. I couldn't.

One day, I will grow up... Grow a pair... And stop carrying the figurative "weight of the world" on my shoulders.