Mild Dissociation.

It was a gradual descent into this state. 

Really, Encinitas was a palate cleanser. The Pandemic though... I feel as though I was destined to be back in Arizona before it began... To have ended my quiet life of hiding near the beach. 

Because buying thee house in Tucson really was a random choice one weekend while taking a road trip back to the desert - a place I hadn't been in 19 years. 

I can't explain the way fate works. I just know that it does.. In the moments where I choose to flow with risk. 

And then I tucked in during the pandemic and simply have let life fly by. Overstimulation taking hold of the 86,400 seconds in a day. Rarely driven by anything I am creating for my own path.

I've chosen to settle into a quiet life, for now. A life that is standing still while time passes.

I've already now lived in this Tucson house longer than I lived in the Encinitas house. I realized that earlier this week. 

"Maybe it's now time to start making this place more 'you'," said that voice inside my head.

Reflecting on the long list of projects I have running in my head... Never willing to commit to a choice on something. Overwhelmed by having to make a choice. 

Unwilling to commit, because committing means I have to feel something.

That’s the quiet spell of mild dissociation.

I’m here, but also… not.

Floating just above the moment.

Aware of time, but not quite living in it.

Still, the whisper lingers.

“It’s time.”