"When I'm An Old Lady, I'm Gonna Do Some Crazy Stuff!"

This is what I proclaimed to my two girl friends this weekend, who traveled all the way from Boston (via a JetBlue flight and a long convertible ride in the Sun without sunscreen). They were in town to celebrate one friend's b-day. And we were happily drinking a bottle of Barolo Sunday night at the fabulous Sotto Sotto in celebration.

"I won't have kids. I will save all my money. And when I am old, I will do some really crazy shit. Like have an opera scripted and produced. Or own apartments in several North American cities and live for two months a year in each."

I told them they should feel free to start pitching me ideas to add to my list. As I fully intend to make the whole "old lady doing crazy stuff" a reality.

That's when they recited the Jenny Joseph poem, "Warning."

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in the slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

-Jenny Joseph, 1961

I wear purple now. So that wouldn't a surprise to anyone, if I continued wearing it when I am old.

But penning and composing an opera based on the last three years of W. presidency... Or maybe on Sarah Palin's life after she and McCain lost... Now that would be unexpected. Especially given that I haven't composed a line of music since I was 14 and a flutist.

But I am open to suggestions to add to my running list of crazy stuff I will do when I am old, because I will have the money to do it.