Year 5: Chance, Change, Choice.

 Another birthday. For the past 16 years I have been fairly consistent - across this space and others I have migrated to for a while - about creating a post about the year's numerology.

Here I am in another Year 5.

The last time I was here was in 2014, when I was traveling around the world. 

The numerology fit perfectly. 

It's a year of freedom. "Chance, Change, Choice."

Year 4 was a year of constriction. And I felt that last year. I'm coming into this year knowing a little better what I don't want. I'm ready to let go of my normal and usual of the past few decades. I've focused mostly on being helpful and kind in certain spaces. Putting the needs of the greater before my own. Convincing myself, "what is best for them is best for me!" Until I get fed up, and ghost the situation to regain my mental health back from exhaustion.

I've been in service to an idea of how life is supposed to be and what you are supposed to do as an adult.

This adult is changing what all that means. The norm.

The norm has never worked for me. And while in the past I have had people (my ex-husband and others)  accuse of just doing things to be different... I am comfortable saying now...

"Yes. That's the fucking point. What is normal or standard in approach to lifestyle doesn't suit me. So yeah, I'm seeking different things."

Not crazy things. Not dangerous things. Not even risky things. 

Just not what we are programmed to think as the only way to safety and security. 

In 2014, I made a point to be as limitless as possible. To charging into a different life. But I was terrible at recognizing true opportunity. I went with whims of what felt different. They weren't bad choices. If anything, I mark the past 9 years as a time of hiding into what was comfortable but different after jumping into that year of travel.

My basic direction to myself was to go opposite of what I had been doing.

Now... The most important thing to me is my personal time. I want as much of it as possible. So my plan for the next few months is explore options to making that happen. 

But in the mean time I am leaving myself open to chance, running towards change, and making the choice to prioritize my personal time.