Giving The Self Permission... To Suck.

 I've never been one to be tough on myself. Far from it.

I've never been a perfectionist. Or an A student. I'm not competitive in the sense that I want to "win" overall. (I'm more of the type who takes the view of, "Who has annoyed me the most? That's my target. I will annihilate the crap out of them." Even if they are only average at something. It's about beating my nemesis. Not the best.)

So I take a lot of room in allowing myself the liberty to fail and be bad at things.

But when it comes to process at work things, I am a stickler. A rule-follower. And I get annoyed when others don't follow the rules.

And there's no group of colleagues that are more flakey and ones to not follow the rules than yoga teachers.

It a fact.

Forgetting they're supposed to teach. Not teaching the sequences they are supposed to. Not cleaning the room and the mirrors afterwards. Not doing the rest of their side work to prep the studio for the next teacher. Forgetting to turn off heaters or fans... Or even lock the doors!

I've seen a lot. 

And I'm always annoyed by it.

But today was my turn. 

And I knew going into today that I wasn't prepared to teach. 

I was covering a class I had only taken once (last week). It was a different sequence than I normally teach, and is set to a specific playlist of music.

A playlist that is only available in a Dropbox list, and can't be streamed over the studio speakers. You have to use the lobby speak and blast it super loud so that you can hear it in the studio.

Only two teachers know this sequence. One was on vacation. And the other moved to Texas a few weeks ago. The vacation teacher asked a few of us if we could cover.

No one responded.

At all. 

Eventually I caved and said, "I don't know the sequence. But I can be available to open the studio, monitor the room, and let the more experienced students who know the sequence drive things.

I was told that was all that was needed.

Untrue.

Or at least, "wishful thinking."

The playlist kept pausing between songs, rather than play through. Only one of the student knew the sequence - and only about 85% of it. And the poses line up to the music - which it isn't clear what the timing is.

I had a piece of paper with the poses listed out. 

It wasn't bad. The students got a great sweat. And I myself burned almost 500 calories just teaching...

But I felt bad for the students.

Then, after class, I snapped myself out of that feeling.

"You know what? You were the only one who even volunteered to show up today. And other teachers have taken this sequence before. And you got the students through the class. And if you hadn't been there, class wouldn't have even happened."

"Give yourself permission to be proud of your work ethic and for your loyalty."

The pep talk from The Self.

So I ain't gonna feel bad at all for "sucking".