I Don't Even Have Time To Be Performative. Or Routined.

 I hit the three year mark at my job earlier this week. About 10 years ago I started on a new path of breaking the streak of job hopping every 18 months to two years. 

Did my attitude change about work and always needing to progress quickly or be doing cool shit?

No. 

My perception of time changed.

Days flew by. Weeks blended. And years racked up.

It doesn't feel like I have been here three years. And it didn't feel like I was at. my last company for six years.

Nothings drags. I feel like I never have enough time. 

And I am always tired. (But that could be health related.)

I've always been an early riser - even as a child. 

In fourth grade I would wake up before others in the house, go into the kitchen and make myself toaster french toast. I would set a place at the table, complete with a placemat and a paper napkin folded with a knife and fork on it. I would sit down with. my warmed toast, slather on the appropriate accoutrements, and eat quietly.

No TV. No book. (Those were one's typical form of entertainment while eating back then.)

After, I would brush my teeth, go into the living room, and watch cartoons. All of this was typically completed by about 6:30am, when everyone else would start to wake. 

My routine made me feel accomplished. 

Refined.

And I had the time to do it. 

These days, I wake up even earlier. Not because I have to, but because I want to. 

I like to see the Sun rise...

The Winter sky doesn't give me the pink hue till close to 7am lately. But I still wake up at about 5am.

My routine consists of chugging water with electrolytes, giving George a breakfast "cookie", checking work messages, doing the Wordle, and then doom scrolling on my phone. Eventually I get up, changed with makeup, and take George for a mile walk.

When we get back to the house, she get her breakfast and I get coffee.

Then we settle into the workday where... Time escapes.

Before I know it, it's 4pm, and George needs her second walk of the day. Her long walk where we do about two miles.

My mind is never not active and busy during the workday. I'm constantly solving problems, creating solutions, or talking someone off a metaphorical ledge.

Things move so fast, I don't even have time to be performative. The quips and sarcasm do not come out as often. Moments flash by before the thought opportunity is able to form. 

And as much as I plan and try to be, I am barely hanging on to any routine.

And now it's 8:34pm... And I am starting to doze off.

The early sleep and early rise are the only things about which I can keep routined.