I Have Two Conversational Settings...

My default setting in life has always been "solus."

Alone.

It's not dark. The most fascinating relationship has always been with my own mind. Even as a small child. I can exist around others for long stretches of time.

But I need much decompression and alone time.

And for the past 11 years I have gotten a lot of it.

And you knee-jerk reaction may be, "You must be so lonely."

And that would be incorrect.

"Lonely" implies "sad."

I argue I have been experiencing some of my happiest years in life, and feel optimistic.

That said, I do have some company... 

I call him "Mortimer."

"Mort."

Or "dead."

And no... I don't have conversations with him. I just approve of his aesthetic. I like mixing "memento mori" style in my home. 

But if I were to engage with him in a conversation, I would warn him...

"I have two conversational settings as of late. The first is vigorous analysis of U.S. politics and the fuckery we are all experiencing on this timeline. The second is how life gets better with age, regardless of the age."

Though in my mind I am still young and in my early 20s. The version I wanted to be but was too anxious and worried about the future to be.

I am glad I can finally be that version... Twenty-five years later.