The Fractured, Exhausted Mind.

 I'm exhausted.

It's been a busy few weeks for me, covering for some open roles we have.

That's the blessing and the curse of being able to do a few different roles in-depth.

Quite frankly, you get taken advantage of... In the hopes that it will be recognized.

One time you do it... You feel great. Your ego is fed because you are being useful to people beyond your direct sphere.

Second time you do it... Again, you feel happy to be helpful.

Third time... You start to think, "You all should really pay me more when I am covering more than my own role for over a month."

The fourth time... It becomes clear this skill set and capability is expected. And while everyone is so grateful and appreciative... You realize that's not enough.

So clearly, I have some decisions to make... But I am giving myself time. 

"Keep things the same and let yourself think over the next six months. Till the end of the year at least," I told myself earlier this week.

What prompted the internal conversation I was having was two companies reaching out for senior roles. Ones that paid double what I am making now. Ones that were the result of previous people I have worked with sending their recruiters to connect with me.

The first one I would never consider, because it would mean moving to Raleigh-Durham. And as beautiful as North Carolina is, it's a vacation place for me. Not a place to live.

In fact, I was there this week when the recruiter reached out to me...

A lake house I was at for a few days in North Carolina earlier this week.

I reached out to my connection at the company and thanked them for having their recruiter reach out. But I wasn't prepared to move to the south, even though the role sounds amazing. I promised to share the role with my network though.

The second role was a remote role, and a former team member was pushing their executive team to bring me in as the head of marketing at an agency. 

This one was harder to say "no" to. I really like this former colleague. I've known them for over 10 years. And a remote role making double what I am now?

Damn. That sounds amazing.

So why was I a "no" on it?

I will just conclude for you that I see red flags. They're not as obvious to most people. But when you've worked with a lot of independent agencies run by "bros"... You know there is a reason the job sounds too good to be true.

So that one was a "no."

All of this to say... The market is changing. I can see it. And after the election, it will turn even faster to a more positive place.

And I will have to decide on the role I want to play in a company that I don't own. And how much of my mindshare I am willing to fracture - which exhausts me.