Day Two of the Bikram 101 was last night. And it was not a good class.
First, it's a new year. And this means classes are packed with newbies. I LOVE this! As a teacher and a practitioner... It pleases me to see rooms stuffed to the walls with people, mats, towels and water bottles.
But the downside is... It's the new year. This means people have a lot of mental "junk" to get rid of, which manifests in energy coming out in the postures. Maybe I am silly. Perhaps I am too sensitive. But I pick up on it. I know I should be better about blocking everyone else out and just focusing on myself, but it is something I struggle with in class. And despite tucking myself in a corner, I was picking up a lot. And it was mixing with everything I myself am trying to get rid of mentally.
So it was a tough class.
Second, I had a panic attack. Mental "junk!" My own... It was pouring out of me. By the time I hit Triangle I was screaming inside my head, "I'm tired of giving up my health and personal time!" And I collapsed out of the pose. For the rest of class, I attempted to do at least one set of each posture. I didn't have the heart to do Camel pose.
The reality for me is that I lack discipline. I have tremendous discipline in one area of my life. And completely lack it in my the area of my personal health. And as a fellow teacher from my training class posted Facebook this morning:
"DISCIPLINE is just choosing between what you want NOW and what you want MOST."
Meaning, "It's in my hands... I choose what I want to be disciplined about in my life." And it's time to get serious about putting my health first. Above all else. What I tend to want NOW in my life is dealing with whatever is screaming loudest for my attention. (Give you one guess what that is.) What I want MOST, though, is a healthy body and mind. And it's what those around me want MOST for me too.
So why the panic attack and poor class? It's part of the release. I accept that during this challenge, I'll have awesome classes and bad classes. Most classes will fall somewhere in between. But the body reacts to whatever you have going on mentally in your body... Just as it does to whatever is going on physically in your body.
It's the mental blocks that are the hardest to get past. In practice. In life.
The message is clear, though. I need to be be disciplined on quieting the mind.