"Not Worth It."

A friend of mine posted this article on Twitter earlier today. It's about an advertising industry executive who wrote an essay before he passed away of cancer about how his previous work life was complete rubbish and not worth the effort he put into it.

"So was it worth it? 

Well of course not. It turns out it was just advertising. There was no higher calling. No ultimate prize... 

As a life, it all seemed like such a good idea at the time."

Indeed.

I've spent the past few years chasing money in my career. I made a decision last summer to start to focus on building something. But that got roped into chasing money for a company and a vendor partner... So much so that aspect took priority over building the product correctly.

When I saw the healer in Sedona in December, she recommended I not chase anything and just sit quietly for a few months. But even though I've left my job, I haven't listened to her. And I realized that today.

I'm already off and busy exploring some new options. And earlier this week, I was pursuing the ones that would make me the most money. But today I realized that I want to build something. Not just make a ton of money... But create something and build it.

So whatever decisions I end up doing career-wise over the next few months, it has to be worthy of me stepping away from my self-imposed "quiet time sabbatical." It has to be building something. Something truly useful.

Otherwise, I'm just going to end up in the same place I've been for the past two years. And I to will look back on it and say, "not worth it." 

Not worth the drain on the health. Not worth the drain on my husband's health (which has been pretty bad.) Not worth the money. Not worth the creative staleness.