The Bahamas. I Came. I Spent $$$$. I Went Home.

Enough said.

But please allow me to elaborate.

I am a lucky girl. I have the opportunity to tag along on a friend's trip to The Bahamas this weekend. I got to spend time with a best friend, drink some tequila, eat some great sushi, buy a designer bag really cheap, and sleep in a wonderfully comfortable bed.

And all of the above, with the exception of the bed, I did outside of the all-inclusive resort we were staying at in The Bahamas.

Really... My bedroom at the resort was lovely and immaculately clean.

I had a terrific view of the pool...

And the ocean...

But there were a few things missing from the "resort" (which shall remain nameless) that I stayed at:

• Wifi. They only had Internet access available in one confined area in the LOBBY. No access (even paid access) in the hotel rooms. And if you walked beyond a specific perimeter, the signal dropped.
• Food. It is an all-inclusive resort. So I wasn't expecting gourmet food. But when you see the cheeses congealed from laying out for hours on a table near the heat, and you meat laying in layers of grease... You tend to not trust the quality of the food.
• The spa sucked. I had the WORST massage of my life. (And I have had some bad ones.) The woman was too rough and used a death pummel with her fists and knuckles on my back. At first, I figured she would clue into the wincing thing I had going. Eventually, I asked her to ease up... And she would for a few minutes. But she would go right back. And I would ask her again. Same thing happened again. My upper spine is still sore from the experience. And the spa was not exactly clean. So I am glad I did not try to book a facial or a pedicure there.
• The staff, with the exception of the really kick ass cleaning crew on our floor (who were really nice), was just rude. And slow. And could really care less to help you out. You could pretty much guarantee that you would be waiting for a few minutes before the not-busy bartenders realized you would like to request a drink. And if you asked someone for something, they would tell you it's not their job. And if something was broken in your room, and you called down twice to have someone come up and look at it, you could expect that no one would show up at all.

Again. My hotel room was lovely. The cleaning staff was lovely. But I ate all but three meals the entire weekend at the resort next door. And I had to pay for those. The food, and the customer service, at my own hotel was just that bad. And I'm a pushover. So you know it was bad.

Also, another thing about The Bahamas... It's not really my kind of island. I am used to being able to sit down under an umbrella on a beach, slather on my SPF 100, open a book and read or fall asleep. I don't like loud speakers booming next to me with music or a DJ yelling. I don't care for repeated visits by scarf and trinket sellers trying to get me to buy something from them. I also don't care for the uncouth loud-mouthed families that populate these kinds of places.

I like the Turks & Caicos. It is easy to get from the airport to the resort. You get a washer and dryer in your condo. You get a kitchen. The shopping is nearby, so you can pick up groceries. No one is really going to bother you on the beach. They have Wifi.

The Bahamas is really good for people who want to relive their Spring Break days. Or who have families and want to have something for everyone to be entertained with (which the resort next to mine was GREAT at).

But for people who like to actually relax on their vacation (and for me, a big part of "chillaxing" is having access to Wifi), this particular resort in The Bahamas is not for you.