"It Seems Like You're Bored."

Alternative treatments for healing aren't really "alternative" to me at this point my tangible human journey.

They're my default go-to.

Acupuncture being the one I have done the longest. 

Circa 2004 I had had some lower back problems, and spent what was a large sum of money for me to see an acupuncturist for treatment after a recommendation from someone.

It worked. I loved it. But I couldn't afford it.

What I could afford was another alternative treatment I had heard helped with back pain - Bikram yoga. And at $16 for a single class (even cheaper per class if you bought a pass), I could afford that.

But acupuncture... 

I've been doing it off and on for about 18 years now. I'll go stretches of years of doing it every few weeks or month... And then go off it. It's always been helpful. Restful.

I've been doing it for maintenance the past three years.

I was seeing one acupuncturist consistently up until about two months ago - when she moved to Ohio. She had recommended someone else who was twice the cost. But given that she was so inexpensive ($60 for 90 minutes of acupuncture and cupping!), I tried out the new therapist.

This new one... She doesn't mess around.

Very strict rules for entering her space. She doesn't just jump in and begin diagnosing... She takes her time. She had me lie down with my eyes closed on the table. Checked various pulse points while asking questions that varied between physical and mental health in nature.

I told her I feel like something is draining my energy, beyond the post-menopausal estrogen drop-off.

"I'm always sleepy. Always. And I can't seem to muster my energy to the pace my brain wants me to."

(But have I ever? That's an honest question to myself.)

We got to my past - specifically landed on how I had done quite a bit of travel and energy medicine journeys.

We ended down a tangent of one particular person we both follow and how they are helping the rest of us understand a little more about ancient practices in spiritual and physical healing.

All while she continued to check points and meridians throughout my body.

"Hmm," she said, picking up some needles and starting to place a few in points, "It seems like you're bored. How long have you been bored? I'm guessing a very long time."

She said I didn't have any blocks energetically in my body. 

A manifestation of ailments from my brain. Not the first time.

"It's been probably close to 15 years," I said.

And that's true. But truly, I've always been slightly bored to the point I lose energy to physically move.

If I'm not into something, I'm not into it. I won't muster the effort. And I can't pretend. I'm a horrible liar.

"You're in need of some work to uncover what moves you."

Shadow work. It's not the first time I've heard it in the past decade. I thought the ayahuasca would help me with that. And maybe it has, and I just haven't processed and integrated it.

Maybe? 

Anyway... As I was leaving the office, I felt no pressure to commit to a regular schedule of getting treatment with her. I felt good. Rested. And I will return to her, but may wait a few months.

 A few hours later I was taking George for her evening stroll and was dazzled by the blooming plants of the desert spring at sunset.

I definitely wasn't bored of the landscape here. The best I've lived in.  

But can I find an existence that excites me - and where I am not merely living day to day?

The shadow work begins...