Where I Thought I'd Be Today...

If you had asked me three months ago where I thought I would be today, I would have said...

"In Las Vegas! Getting my Bikram on!"

Yes, Bikram Yoga Teacher Training starts today in Las Vegas. And I will not be there.

I was very pumped when I made the decision in the Spring to go this Fall. Things seemed to be lining up, sending me the sign that it was time to finally go...

• I had the time, as I had left my job earlier in the year.
• I would be all moved into my new house in my new country.
• I had the money to go.
• I was excited about the idea of spending nine weeks secluded away in Palm Springs. (Yes, it was originally supposed to be in Palm Springs.)
• I was training hard and doing a 60-day challenge to prepare for the 9 weeks of daily-double classes.
• I scored a copy of the dialogue, and had gotten through memorizing Awkward pose.
• I had my medical evaluation completed and my online application submitted.
• I had eliminated all the green clothing from my wardrobe. (Bikram hates the color green.)

So what happened that prevented me from going?

Well, a few things.

• Money. The new house ended up costing more than I expected. And I didn't feel comfortable abandoning my husband for two months in a new house with lots of start-up bills to cover.
• I found a job. I am a BIG believer in manifestation. As soon as I realized I wasn't comfortable with what everything was costing, I thought to myself, "I need to make some money to help." And seriously, the perfect job showed up out of nowhere for me.
• Bikram moved training to Las Vegas. I had prepared myself mentally for what to expect in Palm Springs. I had read Spring Teacher Training blogs... I knew where I needed to go to do my laundry... How to get groceries... How to score cheap Internet access... Basically, how to live easily despite all the things I would have going on once I got there. But then Bikram (from what I have heard) didn't care for certain aspects of the resort in Palm Springs. So he pulled the training from there and put it in Las Vegas.
• The dates changed for a second time. Originally, training was supposed to be from early September to mid-October. Then they were changed to mid-October to mid-December. And I was actually pumped about that. And I made a commitment for the second weekend in October that I had originally turned down. But when the training moved to Las Vegas, the dates changed again... Pushing the start date to today, October 4th and ending in early December.
• There are a large number of Bikram teachers in Toronto already. It's hard to get on teaching schedules here, or so I have been told. So if I went to training, I may only be able to get two or three classes a week to teach... If I am lucky.

I took all of this as sign that this was not the time to be going. So I backed out. I will be able to save back up for training quickly, and could easily attend the Spring training session next year. However, I have two things limiting me from going to the Spring training:

• My sister is getting married in late Spring, and Teacher Training will likely be going on when I need to be in California for her wedding.
• I like my job. A lot. I don't think I would be ready to leave it in the Spring.

So it breaks my heart... And I did a fair bit of crying over it, and am all cried out. (The Husband kept telling me, "Just go! It's your dream!")Because this is a dream of mine. But it just isn't the right time. Maybe next Fall? We'll see.

I'll continue waiting for a sign.