Pep Talk: Be Courteous. Be Fearless.

I think it is time for a "pep talk," people.

Now, while I say, "people"... I really mean "mostly women." Because while I recognize this could apply to any gender, I have only experienced it being an issue for women. So, what's the issue?

FINDING YOUR BALLS AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF!

I know so many women (surprisingly, some even in their 30s and 40s) who just do not know how stand up for themselves, especially when it comes to the workplace. In the past few years, I have seen the following:

1. Women not get promoted because they didn't have the courage to put themselves forward for an opportunity.
2. Women get a shitty-assed pay raise for a promotion... Despite their workload increasing significantly, responsibilities increasing significantly, all because they simply didn't want to argue and ask for the going "market rate."
3. Women getting a raw deal with fringe benefits, that other people got, just because they were afraid of seeming "greedy" and "difficult."

I speak from experience. I too was once a naive young career woman and afraid to take what I wanted. And that is the key, JUST FUCKING TAKE IT!

When you want something, ask for with confidence. Let the person you are asking for it from that you are expecting it, and then BE PREPARED TO LIST THE REASONS WHY YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT.

I went many years of being overlooked for opportunities because I was figured, "Oh, if I am doing a good job, they will notice it and give it to me."

Sorry, people. But that rarely fucking happens. You want something? Well that charge in there and let it be known that you want it. Don't wait for others to recognize your worth. You have to "advertise" it... And not just by doing a good job, but also by letting people know that it is what you want and expect.

What I can not stand is seeing people (again, mostly women) be afraid to state their worth...

1. "I expect a good work-life balance that allows me to get to the gym/yoga every night after work."
2. "I expect a salary of $60k, because that is the going market rate in my area AND because I have the experience and the performance to warrant that salary."
3. "I expect to be given stellar opportunities because I will make it known that I want them. And if they are not given to me, I will still go for them and take them."
4. "I expect to be in a relationship with a significant other who is as mature as I am and has the same approach to life. I will not be a relationship just for the sake of having someone else."

Too many people live in fear. For some reason, many of us developed a fear of being seen as a "bitch." But you know what? It's us "difficult bitches" who get what we want.

So here are my tips for finding your balls, and putting yourself on a path of self-respect and getting what you want:

• State that you are taking it "matter-of-factly." Do your best to approach gaining what you want by having an attitude of "why would I not deserve it?" Be courteous and kind, but also be confident when asking. I'll admit, this is a hard skill to hone. It took quite a few years for me to realize how to show I deserved what I wanted when I asked for it. I have grown immensely in this skill. But there were many times when I lacked complete confidence and did the following...
• Cry. Yes, you read that right. Cry. I once had a boss (woman) who told me I needed to "control my emotions" better and not tear up in my eyes when I talked to her about what I want. But I decided that crying is a good release, and if it made the bitch uncomfortable, that was her fucking problem. I got what I wanted by finding my balls and crying my way through asking for it. I would have gotten if I didn't cry and asked for it... But I was so new to asking for what I wanted that the only way I could do it was through getting teary-eyed. SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO FUCKING CRY THROUGH THE PAIN. THERE IS NOTHING WEAK IN CRYING.
• Always be able to back it up. You want something? You gotta be able to state why you deserve it. "I want 20% more in salary because I am directly responsible for delivering 125% more traffic to our site from the previous year."

Bottom line is, people, NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STICK UP FOR YOU BETTER THAN YOU YOURSELF.