"Dear Cyber-Stalker..."

Dear Cyber-Stalker,

I know you know me personally. You have left comments from time-to-time, usually "anonymously," on my blog. They are always nasty comments. I get it...
  1. You're scared of me. I could kick your ass verbally, probably physically too, if you ever said these comments to me in person.
  2. You're jealous of me. I mean, I have a blog that has a readership. (It's taken over three years of writing, but I have a nice following and appreciate it!) And I keep things civil and positive on it... With the exception of your nasty comments. I understand why you are jealous. You want people to read your words and actively comment too. But you probably have nothing kind or fun to say.
If you ever do get the balls to start a blog of your own, I will enthusiastically link to it from my blog. And if you also ever get the balls to tell me who you really are, I will appreciate your feedback.

But don't bother leaving comments that read, "You have no class!" or "Taco Bell is having a two for one sale. Wishing you got a box full of class from the Husband." The "cyber-bullying" is just childish. And you are clearly some much older (than a junior high schooler) hag who should know better.

Bottom line: You start something with me, I will finish it and finish you. You want to go toe-to-toe verbally? Bring it on. I have the venom and the verbiage to take your ass down. Feel like playing?

Now go fuck yourself.

XOXO,
The Missus

P.S. I worked for Taco Bell back in high school, and I know for certain they never have "2-for-1" sales. They pride themselves on providing food quickly and economically. So please, if you leave comments, try to come up with better quips.

P.P.S. Go fuck yourself, and your "class" obsession.

Comments

1....2....3.....and the Missus Wins! Knockout Punch!

hmmm I really want a taco now!
tacosmell said…
good to see your "cyber friends" have your back. Where are your real friends - High school, college?? anyone?...or are they are all blog friends. P.S no one wants to go toe to toe with you and your size 48 Marc Jacobs over priced shoes!!!
Me said…
I know... Tacos sound good now, don't they? You can make veggie tacos for The Husband and some chicken ones for you... For dinner tonight!

P.S. Your LM was so cute today! That was the first time I had ever heard him talk!!!
Me said…
Tacosmell:

People who have "class" don't accuse others of "not having class."

And, clearly, you know me from quite a while ago. Must still be holding onto some pent-up anger of some kind? WTF did I ever do to you?

Oh yes... High school friends - still have those. And chat, casually, with them from time-to-time.

College friends? I went to a big university and had many friends there too. None were life-long friends though. I spent too much time WORKING and INTERNING to be focused on partying and what-not. So, I lost touch with college friends too.

Oh, and my "cyber friends" aren't just my "online friends." I see them multiple times during the month.

See, I am a fun person. And even at the ripe age of 32, people do enjoy spending time with me.

You must have no friends. That's why you "stalk" me.

I am honored.
Kimberley said…
I know that it isn't pleasant dealing with cyber-douchebags, but does it make me a bad reader to say that I enjoy the amusement?? You've got to love the bravado that the anonymity of the interweb inspires.
Jenn said…
You know you've made it in the Blogosphere when you start getting trash-talking anonymous comments. I wouldn't waste my time on this one.
Me said…
Thanks Jenn! Thanks Kimberley!
Kate @ PDF said…
Apparently, tacosmell has the observation of a 6-month old puppy distracted by his peanut butter filled Kong chew toy.

Do you not read this blog? There are many mentions of actual friendships - including drinks, dinner and travel. Not to mention I would happily share a cocktail with the Missus - should I pass through the Boston area - to discuss ridiculously over - priced Marc Jacobs footwear.

Note: I'm pretty positive MJ does NOT make size 16 stilettos - so get off your price-snobby high horse.
Anonymous said…
I second the over priced shoes, and, please stop putting pictures of your pale cankles up on the internet! No one should have to look at those except you and your poor husband.
Me said…
Thanks Katie! you rock.

And "Anonymous," grow some cajones and start leaving comments under your real name. How sad is it that you keep coming back to my blog and leaving nasty comments, TWO MONTHS after I bought the fabulous Diors.
Tacosmell Has More Class than Missus said…
Actually this is my first comment on your blog, so I'm not sure what you're even talking about re: two months ago. You and Yummy Moron make a great pair. You are like the dynamic duo of the blogosphere, supplementing your near-meaningless existences with fancy shoes and overpriced beauty products (ps: no amount of Fresh beauty products will restore your youth - its gone. Finito. Doneski). But hey, keep on whipping up nasty vegetarian pizzas and fancying yourself original. I just hope your new neighbors in Canada don't judge the rest of us Americans based on your self-involved absurdity.
Me said…
Wow! Have the haggish crazies from Yummy's blog now come over to mine?!?!

Fuck off, Anonymous commenter.

Wait... No... Wait... Yes...

Fuck off.
tacosmell said…
PS - your use of the F word is really classy. Very feminine, too. Kind of like your man-cankles.
Me said…
OMG, "Tacosmell"... LOL!

You are not only jealous of my blog, but also my shoes?!?!

Wow!


And, for the record, I never claimed to be "classy." "Sassy," yes. "Classy," no.

And you're one to talk, "Tacosmell." People who have class don't go around chiding people anonymously for "not having it."

Thank you for being jealous of me, though. It makes me feel good. Like Jesus and God are on my side.
Yummy Dummy said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Britt said…
I must say Missus I am seriously enjoying this, as your comebacks rock! such amusement.
Anonymous said…
Britt: That is only because The Missus deletes the comments (see above) that hit too close to home. Unless there's some other explanation for deleting that one, Missus?
Me said…
Dear Anonymous: I did initially post and respond to your last comment. But then I erased them both, not because it "hit too close to home"... It was because you decided to drag my friend Yummy Mummy into this battle... Basically calling us "lazy bitches" because we don't work in an office and pull in a salary. I decided that I wasn't gonna keep your nasty post, or my nasty response to you up there. For the record: Yummy Mummy (who at this second I am waiting for at Starbucks for our weekly coffee catch-up) was an award-winning lawyer, serving the public until she and her husband had their son. You are obviously jealous that she can afford to stay home, be a mommy, and still have a fun lifestyle. So FUCK YOU for making fun of her for that. And FUCK YOU for assuming that I am living purely off my husband. I have money too.
Me said…
Oh , and "Jealous Anonymous," you are cut off now. No more nasty comments from you, cyber-stalker-whore.
Anonymous said…
Excuse me for leaving this message anonymously but I happened to come across your blog doing a search for "cyber stalker." You see, I have a similar problem - someone in my own family: a sick, jealous sibling who has no friends and spends her life f-cking married men and chasing up ex-es for child support rather than holding down a job. For some time she has been sprinkling the internet with vile comments about me, designed to ruin my reputation, my business and of course to distress me. Years ago I rejected her (a thief, liar and child abuser who caused our father's untimely death) and when she found me on the wonderful internet, happily living in Europe, it was too much. If I may say so, the person who is leaving you those nasty messages is surely an insanely jealous loser and, I suspect, a hag. Or a hag-in-waiting. That is her destiny. This is the profile of these cows and if I were you I'd ignore her (it is surely a her) as any comments from you will only titillate and add spice to what is obviously a sadly boring, loveless existence. Good luck to you, and suddenly I feel like having a taco!

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