Successful Marriage Means You Have To Have Kids?
I was just over at Boston.com reading this article on how the number of out-of-wedlock children being born to women who live with the father is on the rise.
Most women are in their 20s, and aren't able to financially afford to get married or don't want to get married just yet. So they co-habitate with the fathers. And I don't see a problem with this, to be honest. The subject matter of the article didn't bother me.
What did bother me was this one statistic from the piece...
Nevertheless, attitudes about marriage in this country are also changing. In an indication of the increased separation between matrimony and parenthood, only 41 percent of adults surveyed consider children an important factor in a successful marriage, down from 65 percent in 1990, according to a Pew Research Center report released this month.
So... In order to have a "successful marriage," The Husband and I have to have a kid?
We're both perfectly healthy and able to have a kid. But we've kinda changed our attitudes on children lately. And we certainly consider our marriage to be successful. (I mean, we've been married three years as of today!)
And if we choose to never pursue having children, that doesn't mean our marriage is doomed or a failure. It just means we're not interested in giving up our current lifestyle to devote all our energy to expanding our family.
Do people really think a successful marriage means you have to have kids? Do these people also think a woman should stay home and be submissive to her husband? And when it comes to reproductive choices, are they against a woman having a choice?
This sounds like a lot of people aren't doing much thinking, and merely following the ideals that the people before them were pressured into thinking.
(God, if I ever do decide to have a kid, they'll probably be the most rebellious and cynical child ever. And if they're not, well, I don't want them.)
Most women are in their 20s, and aren't able to financially afford to get married or don't want to get married just yet. So they co-habitate with the fathers. And I don't see a problem with this, to be honest. The subject matter of the article didn't bother me.
What did bother me was this one statistic from the piece...
Nevertheless, attitudes about marriage in this country are also changing. In an indication of the increased separation between matrimony and parenthood, only 41 percent of adults surveyed consider children an important factor in a successful marriage, down from 65 percent in 1990, according to a Pew Research Center report released this month.
So... In order to have a "successful marriage," The Husband and I have to have a kid?
We're both perfectly healthy and able to have a kid. But we've kinda changed our attitudes on children lately. And we certainly consider our marriage to be successful. (I mean, we've been married three years as of today!)
And if we choose to never pursue having children, that doesn't mean our marriage is doomed or a failure. It just means we're not interested in giving up our current lifestyle to devote all our energy to expanding our family.
Do people really think a successful marriage means you have to have kids? Do these people also think a woman should stay home and be submissive to her husband? And when it comes to reproductive choices, are they against a woman having a choice?
This sounds like a lot of people aren't doing much thinking, and merely following the ideals that the people before them were pressured into thinking.
(God, if I ever do decide to have a kid, they'll probably be the most rebellious and cynical child ever. And if they're not, well, I don't want them.)
Comments
I enjoy reading your blog, and was wondering if you would mind if I put it on my blogroll? I recently started my own blog and don't write nearly as much as I should, but feel free to check it out. Sorry I posted this in the comments, but I don't have AOL IM, so I couldn't figure out how else to get in touch with you. Thanks!
Amanda
www.amandadawn.wordpress.com
I just thought I'd share that.
Who are these women? And why aren't they watching Oprah and learning that there is more than one view out there?
I don't know how old you are but the expectation that you should have a child never ends. I'm in my forties and people still say ridiculous things to me and make horrible assumptions -- mainly that you don't like kids in general and their kids in particular. I think of it this way. There are already too many people -- esp in Mass. You can barely go anywhere without running into a human or a house. You're the unselfish one, choosing not to have children. There are plenty of kids who need help if you want kids in your life.
And I am 30. So I still have many years of this if I never get accidentally knocked up.