I Refuse To Share EVERYTHING In A Marriage.
The Husband, Human, is a shady character.
Let me elaborate...
Saturday morning, The Husband lazes in bed till nearly 10:30am. He then gets up and quickly gets ready. He is out the door by 11:10am to make it to the North End for his weekly ball hockey game with friends.
I had been up for about four hours by the time he left. But I didn't bother putting in my contacts or getting ready. I mean, I like to lay around in my PJs on Saturday mornings sometimes.
By the time he leaves, I am ready to shower and get dressed for my day. I shower, wash my hair, put on my make-up... Then I go to put my contacts in. And that's when horror sets in.
The Husband and I both wear contacts. We both use the same type of case to keep them in. However, you can tell the difference between the two cases because mine is MUCH cleaner looking. His is scratched and cloudy. Mine is pristine.
I reach for my pristine contact case and pull out the contact cage. And I see that there are no contacts on either side of the cage. They are missing.
"That's funny," I say. "I know I put them in here last night."
I even check my eyes by putting on my glasses to make sure that I indeed did not sleep with them in and was still wearing them. They weren't in my eyes. And they weren't in the case. Where could they be?
That's when I thought, "Maybe this is Human's contact case. He leaves the solution in it. I dump mine out as I put my contacts in. This is a pristine case, but maybe he got a new one... And maybe he accidentally picked up my contact case to take with him to hockey... thinking it was his?"
I quickly dash to the phone and leave Human an urgent message on his mobile...
"Hi! I think you took my contact case with you when you went to hockey. Please be very, very, very, very, very, very, incredibly, extremely careful with the case. I do NOT have any more contacts and need to get replacements next week."
He came home in the afternoon assuring me he did indeed have a contact case on him with contacts in it. He pulls the case out... And horror once again sets in...
It's HIS dirty, old contact case! They weren't my contacts in it! They were his!
"But wait," I said. "If yours are in there... Then are you wearing mine?"
He starts putting a hand over each eye, one at a time.
"Hmm," he said. "It's possible."
"No," I screeched. "It's bloody fucking likely."
"That's okay," he said. "We can just disinfect them and you'll be able to wear them again."
"Um, no thanks," I said. "I won't even share a toothbrush with you. I don't want your eye essence in my eyes."
So I had been stuck wearing my glasses since Saturday. I managed to find time today to go and get fitted for new contacts. Thank God too... I had to work out in them this morning with the trainer.
Lifting weights and running with glasses ain't easy people.
Let me elaborate...
Saturday morning, The Husband lazes in bed till nearly 10:30am. He then gets up and quickly gets ready. He is out the door by 11:10am to make it to the North End for his weekly ball hockey game with friends.
I had been up for about four hours by the time he left. But I didn't bother putting in my contacts or getting ready. I mean, I like to lay around in my PJs on Saturday mornings sometimes.
By the time he leaves, I am ready to shower and get dressed for my day. I shower, wash my hair, put on my make-up... Then I go to put my contacts in. And that's when horror sets in.
The Husband and I both wear contacts. We both use the same type of case to keep them in. However, you can tell the difference between the two cases because mine is MUCH cleaner looking. His is scratched and cloudy. Mine is pristine.
I reach for my pristine contact case and pull out the contact cage. And I see that there are no contacts on either side of the cage. They are missing.
"That's funny," I say. "I know I put them in here last night."
I even check my eyes by putting on my glasses to make sure that I indeed did not sleep with them in and was still wearing them. They weren't in my eyes. And they weren't in the case. Where could they be?
That's when I thought, "Maybe this is Human's contact case. He leaves the solution in it. I dump mine out as I put my contacts in. This is a pristine case, but maybe he got a new one... And maybe he accidentally picked up my contact case to take with him to hockey... thinking it was his?"
I quickly dash to the phone and leave Human an urgent message on his mobile...
"Hi! I think you took my contact case with you when you went to hockey. Please be very, very, very, very, very, very, incredibly, extremely careful with the case. I do NOT have any more contacts and need to get replacements next week."
He came home in the afternoon assuring me he did indeed have a contact case on him with contacts in it. He pulls the case out... And horror once again sets in...
It's HIS dirty, old contact case! They weren't my contacts in it! They were his!
"But wait," I said. "If yours are in there... Then are you wearing mine?"
He starts putting a hand over each eye, one at a time.
"Hmm," he said. "It's possible."
"No," I screeched. "It's bloody fucking likely."
"That's okay," he said. "We can just disinfect them and you'll be able to wear them again."
"Um, no thanks," I said. "I won't even share a toothbrush with you. I don't want your eye essence in my eyes."
So I had been stuck wearing my glasses since Saturday. I managed to find time today to go and get fitted for new contacts. Thank God too... I had to work out in them this morning with the trainer.
Lifting weights and running with glasses ain't easy people.
Comments