Life Advice: "My Friend Is Dating A Cad."
Wow...
A recent commenter left the following seeking advice:
What should one do if a co-worker is dating a real cad? Like, scary bad-news cad. I know 2 of his exes... why? because he was dating them at the same time. And definitely not with their consent. And he's been known to make threats, etc. C-A-D. So, should I just leave it be, it's not really my business, or is there some girl code-of-ethics where I should at least give her a head's up on the bad news-iness of her new beau?
This is a toughie... If the girl is a close-ish co-worker (meaning you guys talk about dating stuff, etc), I think you should bring it up the next time she mentions him. But, don't bring it up in a "I think there is something you should know..." kind of way.
No... I would say, approach it in a more "casual" kind of way. So, for example, the next time she mentions him... Perhaps you could say, "I kept meaning to tell you this... I am actually friends with two of his exes. He was dating both of them at the same time, and neither knew about the other and thought the relationship was exclusive. And I wasn't sure whether I should mention that or not... Because the 'dating two girls at once' thing could have been a misunderstanding between he and my two friends. (Even though it was unlikely NOT a misunderstanding, and him just being a cad.) But I wanted you to know, because, well, I would want to know if it was me."
Bottom line... You want to "warn" her, but you also want to make it seem like you are giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. Because most girls don't want to hear that the guy they are dating is a total "cad", though he may well be. So I think the girl should know this bit about his dating history... But it should just be the straight up facts, and then let her decide what to do with the knowledge.
That way, if she ends up in a bad situation with the guy, you will know that you at least informed her of the cad's "cad ways."
Thoughts people? I think the girl deserves to know the facts. But just the facts. No need to pump any "bias" into her.
A recent commenter left the following seeking advice:
What should one do if a co-worker is dating a real cad? Like, scary bad-news cad. I know 2 of his exes... why? because he was dating them at the same time. And definitely not with their consent. And he's been known to make threats, etc. C-A-D. So, should I just leave it be, it's not really my business, or is there some girl code-of-ethics where I should at least give her a head's up on the bad news-iness of her new beau?
This is a toughie... If the girl is a close-ish co-worker (meaning you guys talk about dating stuff, etc), I think you should bring it up the next time she mentions him. But, don't bring it up in a "I think there is something you should know..." kind of way.
No... I would say, approach it in a more "casual" kind of way. So, for example, the next time she mentions him... Perhaps you could say, "I kept meaning to tell you this... I am actually friends with two of his exes. He was dating both of them at the same time, and neither knew about the other and thought the relationship was exclusive. And I wasn't sure whether I should mention that or not... Because the 'dating two girls at once' thing could have been a misunderstanding between he and my two friends. (Even though it was unlikely NOT a misunderstanding, and him just being a cad.) But I wanted you to know, because, well, I would want to know if it was me."
Bottom line... You want to "warn" her, but you also want to make it seem like you are giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. Because most girls don't want to hear that the guy they are dating is a total "cad", though he may well be. So I think the girl should know this bit about his dating history... But it should just be the straight up facts, and then let her decide what to do with the knowledge.
That way, if she ends up in a bad situation with the guy, you will know that you at least informed her of the cad's "cad ways."
Thoughts people? I think the girl deserves to know the facts. But just the facts. No need to pump any "bias" into her.
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